Luxury Car Attitude

Ask any luxury car dealer and they will tell you that their product will help you send a message to the rest of the world. Each car has a specific attitude that reflects on the driver. But just what are these cars saying?

Mercedes-Benz
What are you doing on my road?

BMW
Hey! Get of my way! I'm driving a BMW!

Lexus
Man, I wish I could afford a Mercedes.

Porsche
Hey! Get of my way! I'm driving a Porsche!

Acura
Man, I wish I could afford a Lexus.

Jaguar
Humph! I'm to rich to drive fast.

Cadillac
Look at me! Look at me! Don'tcha think I'm cool?

Lincoln
I'm old, so stay out of my way because I don't care if I die!

Krazy Karaoke - "Microsoft Blues"

To be sung to the tune of "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" by ZZ Top.

My wife is on the PC using Microsoft Word,
Things are coming out of her mouth that I have never heard.
She's cussing and swearing 'cause her document's wrong,
She made such a fuss that I had to write this song.

She's blue, Microsoft Blues
Yeah, she's blue, Microsoft Blues

Her bullets won't indent and her format is a wreck
I'd tell her to start over, but then she'd give me heck.
Her paragraph is hanging out a little too far,
It's enough to make me want to escape in the car

Oh, she's blue, Microsoft Blues
Yeah, she's blue, Microsoft Blues

She really hates Word and she don't like Excel,
She'll tell you that Gates is a devil outta Hell.
She wishes for WordPerfect and for Lotus, too.
If she had one of those, she'd know just what to do.

Oh, she's blue, Microsoft Blues.
Yeah, she's blue, blue, blue, blue, blue ... Microsoft Blues.

She said what?!?

Yesterday my wife came to me and said, "We just got an e-mail from our internet service provider and they are going to double our ..."

Omigod! omigod! She's going to say "rates"! Ooo-migod! screamed my brain.

"...speed," she finished.

Omigod! They're doubling our rates!

Yo, brainiac! Listen up, said Leftear, she said "speed".

Are, are you sure? stammered my grey matter.

Of course I'm sure. Hey, Rightie! What did you hear?

I heard what you heard Lefty, said Rightear, eager to please. She said "speed".

Boy I hope so, said the brain, but I'm still not sure. Eyes, what did you see?

It's hard to be certain, started Righteye.

As we were starting to roll up into our sockets, continued Lefteye.

But it certainly looked like she said "speed", the eyes said together.

You're sure? my brain asked.

Oh, indubitably, said Righteye, although I'm not as clear as Lefteye.

Please, stop it, said Lefteye, blushing. We both know you are the sharpest. But I definitely think I saw "speed".

Oh no, you're the sharpest.

Please, I've got that astigmatism thing going.

How about you, said my brain to the tongue, interrupting the eyes. What do you think?

Dude, I don't know what I'M saying most of the time, droned the tongue. I taste and I talk, don't expect more than that.

All right, said my brain, hope starting to grow. Let's take a vote. All in favor of "speed"?

Aye! said Leftear.

Aye! said Rightear.

Me! said the eyes.

What-ever! said the tongue.

I cleared my parched throat, plastered a weak smile on my face, and said, "That's great."

"Are you OK?", she asked.

"Sure, I'm fine. I'm just glad it's good news."