We had a taste of spring here late last week with temperatures in the 40's. The snow was melting, the sun was shining. It was beautiful.
Then the curse of the groundhog came into effect. Phil the groundhog can't be wrong with his prediction of 6 more weeks of winter, so our early spring was short-circuited due to the whims of a RODENT ! It's just not fair. After all, he doesn't even live in the ground anymore! What's his incentive to bless us with an early spring? Groundhogs hibernate during the winter. So why does Phil always give us six more weeks of winter? Because he's ticked that he got awakened to give a weather prediction! Besides, five minutes after ruining our early spring he's back dreaming about she-hogs, so he's happy to get an extra-long nap at the end of the winter.
So, I think it's time that we IMPEACH THE 'HOG. These abuses of meteorological power have got to stop. I am campaigning that Phil the groundhog be removed from office and replaced by a nice gerbil. Or a bunny. Or maybe a gopher. Any rodent will do just so they like spring better than winter.
To help with the IMPEACH THE 'HOG campaign you can send me money, preferably tens and twenties. Every little bit helps. Also, get your IMPEACH THE 'HOG yard sign, which will be available as soon as the ground thaws enough. Thank you for your support!
February 17, 2005
February 14, 2005
Inclement Weather Increases Stupidity!
This morning we had some lovely Michigan weather. Freezing rain and sleet changing to rain. Yummy! But hey, it's February in the Winter Wonderland. Most people might think that Michiganders are uniquely qualified to drive through all kinds of weather since we seem to get all kinds here (sometimes in a single day), but alas that is not the case.
I noticed as I carefully navigated the slippery streets that the we roadways actually seems to promote stupidity. For instance, a car is waiting to turn onto the road, but there is traffic coming. "Should I go?" the dumb person wonders. The traffic is too close and moving a bit to fast if the roads were dry, but now that they are wet anything goes.
So the dumb person moves out in front of traffic and creeps up to his cruising speed. Such a person always chooses a speed which is always is ten mph below the average speed. This leaves the poor souls already on the road to frantically maneuver to prevent the merging of automobiles that would be accompanied by crashes, glass breaking, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
Now, you might think that situation described above would be a rare occurrence, but I saw it no less than six times during a half-hour drive. Most of the time the sumb person pulkled out in front of me. Stupidity is out there people, and it's waiting to cut you off.
And if you are one of these dumb people, that finger I waved at you was just my way of wishing you a great day.
I noticed as I carefully navigated the slippery streets that the we roadways actually seems to promote stupidity. For instance, a car is waiting to turn onto the road, but there is traffic coming. "Should I go?" the dumb person wonders. The traffic is too close and moving a bit to fast if the roads were dry, but now that they are wet anything goes.
So the dumb person moves out in front of traffic and creeps up to his cruising speed. Such a person always chooses a speed which is always is ten mph below the average speed. This leaves the poor souls already on the road to frantically maneuver to prevent the merging of automobiles that would be accompanied by crashes, glass breaking, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
Now, you might think that situation described above would be a rare occurrence, but I saw it no less than six times during a half-hour drive. Most of the time the sumb person pulkled out in front of me. Stupidity is out there people, and it's waiting to cut you off.
And if you are one of these dumb people, that finger I waved at you was just my way of wishing you a great day.
February 12, 2005
Baggy Pants
Recently the lawmakers in the state of Virginia were considering a $50 fine on those individuals that wore their pants down low and showed more than they're supposed to show. While the bill was probably targeting teens who like to wear their jeans as close to their knees as possible, others would have been affected as well.
Violators would be around every corner. Pop stars like Britney Spears love to go low and show as much as possible. Would this change if Britney came to Virginia? Would she get a special wardrobe for concerts there? Would we actually get see her in polyester pants that went OVER her hips?
Who hasn't seen or heard of a plumber who shows a bit too much behind while crawling under a sink? What would the impact be on the local guy whose stomach prevents pulling his pants up? Would this be a beer-belly tax? Do droopy diapers count? Does a toddler's slipping pants merit a fine?
Alas, we will never know as Virginia lawmakers decided to kill the bill last week. I guess they won't be changing their motto to "The No Butt State" any time soon. Too bad, I was looking forward to seeing Britney in a muumuu.
Violators would be around every corner. Pop stars like Britney Spears love to go low and show as much as possible. Would this change if Britney came to Virginia? Would she get a special wardrobe for concerts there? Would we actually get see her in polyester pants that went OVER her hips?
Who hasn't seen or heard of a plumber who shows a bit too much behind while crawling under a sink? What would the impact be on the local guy whose stomach prevents pulling his pants up? Would this be a beer-belly tax? Do droopy diapers count? Does a toddler's slipping pants merit a fine?
Alas, we will never know as Virginia lawmakers decided to kill the bill last week. I guess they won't be changing their motto to "The No Butt State" any time soon. Too bad, I was looking forward to seeing Britney in a muumuu.
New blog...Waaah!
Yep, yet another new blog littering the 'net. Just imagine the old cyber doc lifting it by the ankles and giving to a firm swat on the behind. As its crying fills our ears we can be sure: it ... is ... alive!
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