Caution! Body Work Ahead!

As the years have passed I have noticed changes in my body that are rather startling. While change is inevitable, as a young man I had probably envisioned shifting into the lean physique of a sprinter, instead of the lumpy profile of a couch potato. Even at the tender age of 42 I wonder what will come next, as I morph into something I don't quite recognize.

For example, for a good many years now I have had a receding hairline. This has been fine with me; less hair to maintain on a daily basis being a plus. I have hair from the ears back, and over the top of my head. I also have a little tuft of hair on top near my forehead (a.k.a"The wisp" according to my so-called loving family) that stubbornly stands where most other hair has picked up roots and gone away.

Recent photographs have convinced me that I have photo-insensitive hair. When I look in the mirror I see hair up there. Not a lot, granted, but there is still something up there. When I look at recent pictures I think to myself, "Holy cow, I look like Jean-Luc Picard". Not a strand is visible on the top of my head, and believe me I looked. And despite what some may think, I have not drawn "hair" on my mirror!

Another change I have noticed is a breakdown in my abdominal walls. When I was just a lad I had a pretty trim stomach. In my teens I discovered a revolutionary nutrition program called OINKK, which has a base diet of Oreos, Ice cream, Nachos, and Krispy Kreme donuts. Per the manual, I exercise daily by getting up to retrieve Oreos and other OINKK staples, and yet my tummy has swelled the last few years. I have found no reason for this in the nutrition guide, but I have taken it upon myself to rectify the situation by increasing my exercise. Now I get up twice as much as before to get extra helpings of nachos. Only time will tell if my body can sustain this vigorous level of physical activity.

I have no idea what further changes await me as I slide out of my 40s, but I'm sure they won't be pleasant. Who knows what strange and perverse sights and sensations lurk in the bodies of aging men? I sure don't know, but I think I'm going to find out.