May 17, 2008

One Geek's Confession

Since my teen years I have been battling lust. I would see a perfectly formed body, those soft curves, and my eyes would cloud over as I imagined having her for my very own. I was not alone in this, as most of my friends felt the same way. Some even had the good fortune to possess such beauty, and I would live vicariously through them. It was a grand time full of desire and frustration, happiness and bitterness. Through it all I battled my foe, techno-lust.

I am speaking, of course, of the dawning of the age of the personal computer. A time when the possibilities were endless and the variety was vast. Almost daily a new model appeared with sexy lines and large floppies, and through it all I was a-quiver with insatiable desire.

It all began in my senior year of high school when I took a computer class. There on the table was an exotic looking device with a keyboard, cassette tape player/recorder, and monitor all contained in one neat package. Her name was Commodore, but I could call her PET. She was like something from a dream, and I nearly swooned when I got to touch her for the first time. I wrote a small program in which I said "Hello!" and tried to connect with her in a meaningful way. When I ran the program she said "Hello!" back to me in a endless cascade. It was love at first sight.

But then the teacher wooed her away from me with some serious bling; dual external 5-and-a quarter floppy drives. It soon became clear who she really belonged to and I slunk away dejected.

I tried to drown my sorrows by seeing her kid sister, Commodore 64, for a while. While she was a great time, she soon figured out that I still held a torch for her older sibling and we parted ways.

Some time later I met Timex Sinclair 1000 , and my techno-lust reared its head again. She was so tiny, so petite. She could go with me anywhere, unlike my big-boned PET. All she needed was an AC outlet and TV, and we were ready for good times. But after a while I discovered that while she was cute and fun to be around, she was rather limited. Her small capacity made a meaningful relationship impossible, so with a sad heart I moved on.

A friend of mine became attached to one of the popular models, TRS-80. She had some of sexiest curves I'd ever seen, and a coordinated outfit that suited her perfectly. As happens envy raised its head and ugly rumors abounded about her, and some even took to calling her Trash-80. I didn't listen to these slurs on her character, so completely enraptured was
I in her charms. After a while it became apparent that she and my friend were serious and that I had no chance at all. Reluctantly I allowed my fantasies to die away.

Then when I was in college I got lucky. I snagged the eye of the most beautiful blond on the planet. She had one of those names that stood out and spoke of hippie parentage: Macintosh. Beside her the others were a pack of braying donkeys, and my techno-lust consumed me for the want of her. She was the whole package with a handful-sized floppy drive built right into her chassis. Her display did not show plain text like the others, but an intuitive
windows-based interface. She was magnificent. I spent one weekend with her, and it was everything I dreamed it could be. But I soon realized that I was out of my league, and I simply could not afford such an expensive relationship. With regret I let her go.

A short time later I met Mac's younger sister, and while you might be wondering why I didn't learn my lesson with 64, I took my time getting to know Apple ][e. We made sure we were right for each other as my techno-lust reached a new peak until it eventually transformed into love. I knew I was finally ready for a mature relationship. She had none of the vapid bombshell qualities of Mac, and we did everything together. We spent hours playing games and writing stories. It was wonderful. We had our differences, like all couples. She had a penchant for not telling me I had attached her floppy drives backwards until she had fried the control board, and I had a penchant for keeping her up all night. We learned to live with each others quirks.

Then a couple of years later a co-worker introduced me to PC, a stunning model with big blue eyes. Despite myself I felt that familiar feeling of techno-lust course through my veins. She sang a siren song of games and applications, and I was captivated.

Since then I have had several PCs, but they no longer inspire the potent type of techno-lust that those early systems did. So while I enjoy my current systems, I remember the old days when the joining of man and machine was new and exciting. And I wonder, what will provoke my techno-lust in the future?

3 comments:

Gary G said...

Dude,

I remember that weekend with Macintosh, you two were inseperable. Glad you came to you senses and broke off that relationship. I still remember some of my old flames; Tandy CoCo and her younger sister Tandy CoCo II. What is it with us and sisters?

Thanks for the fond memories of when computers were a thing of wonder, and not just the same thing in a new box.

kh said...

It was kind of a magic time. I thought about trying to include your CoCo (which I vaguely remembered), but I couldn't remember what you had.

BTW, what's going on inside your head?

Gary G said...

Thinking about getting up way to early to go have knee surgery in the morning. Tough way to get a couple of weeks off work. Gives me plenty of time to catch up on movies and video games, though.