Ice Cream Exposé

Ah, the local ice cream emporium. A fount of refreshing summer treats. Wholesome vanilla ice cream, banana splits, slushies, and the like, all made with quality ingredients like milk, hot fudge, and.... Old Fashioned LIQUID Peanut Butter?  So back in the day my grand-pappy DRANK his peanut butter? Notice how it is sitting quietly next to the malted milk, hoping you'll just keep walking by. That's right, nothing disgusting to see here, unless you want to DRINK SOME PEANUT BUTTER!!

And the there was the whole array of tasty shakes and malts. Classic flavors like Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, Pinapple, Cher...  wait a minute. Pinapple? Is that right? Why am I suddenly reminded of the nasty Halloween prank of putting a razor blade in a apple? Either that or a bunch of really small apples were used.

Of course there is always the possibility that someone just forgot a letter in their haste to add the (LIQUID!) Peanut Butter flavor to the list. I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat, and solve the puzzle: 

P-I-N-E-A-P-P-L-E. 

Did I win anything?

Usually a trip to the local ice cream shop isn't a matter of life or death, liquid peanut butter aside. But at this shop they pander to the top-secret crowd by offering the never-talked-about NSA flavored ice cream. They call it one of their "hard" ice cream flavors, so you know they mean business. No, they won't tell you what it tastes like, and they'll likely kill you when you're done with it. It comes with a complementary disguise, so you can't be IDed munching on this classified treat. Perfect for the overheated agent looking for a way to cool down on that long stakeout. So if you see a guy eating ice cream and wearing a plastic Groucho nose, 'stache, and glasses, you'd better not look too close because you probably don't have the clearance to check out what's in his cone!