Ask any luxury car dealer and they will tell you that their product will help you send a message to the rest of the world. Each car has a specific attitude that reflects on the driver. But just what are these cars saying?
Mercedes-Benz
What are you doing on my road?
BMW
Hey! Get of my way! I'm driving a BMW!
Lexus
Man, I wish I could afford a Mercedes.
Porsche
Hey! Get of my way! I'm driving a Porsche!
Acura
Man, I wish I could afford a Lexus.
Jaguar
Humph! I'm to rich to drive fast.
Cadillac
Look at me! Look at me! Don'tcha think I'm cool?
Lincoln
I'm old, so stay out of my way because I don't care if I die!
March 21, 2005
March 12, 2005
Krazy Karaoke - "Microsoft Blues"
To be sung to the tune of "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" by ZZ Top.
My wife is on the PC using Microsoft Word,
Things are coming out of her mouth that I have never heard.
She's cussing and swearing 'cause her document's wrong,
She made such a fuss that I had to write this song.
She's blue, Microsoft Blues
Yeah, she's blue, Microsoft BluesHer bullets won't indent and her format is a wreck
I'd tell her to start over, but then she'd give me heck.
Her paragraph is hanging out a little too far,
It's enough to make me want to escape in the car
Oh, she's blue, Microsoft Blues
Yeah, she's blue, Microsoft Blues
She really hates Word and she don't like Excel,
She'll tell you that Gates is a devil outta Hell.
She wishes for WordPerfect and for Lotus, too.
If she had one of those, she'd know just what to do.Oh, she's blue, Microsoft Blues.
Yeah, she's blue, blue, blue, blue, blue ... Microsoft Blues.
March 10, 2005
She said what?!?
Yesterday my wife came to me and said, "We just got an e-mail from our internet service provider and they are going to double our ..."
Omigod! omigod! She's going to say "rates"! Ooo-migod! screamed my brain.
"...speed," she finished.
Omigod! They're doubling our rates!
Yo, brainiac! Listen up, said Leftear, she said "speed".
Are, are you sure? stammered my grey matter.
Of course I'm sure. Hey, Rightie! What did you hear?
I heard what you heard Lefty, said Rightear, eager to please. She said "speed".
Boy I hope so, said the brain, but I'm still not sure. Eyes, what did you see?
It's hard to be certain, started Righteye.
As we were starting to roll up into our sockets, continued Lefteye.
But it certainly looked like she said "speed", the eyes said together.
You're sure? my brain asked.
Oh, indubitably, said Righteye, although I'm not as clear as Lefteye.
Please, stop it, said Lefteye, blushing. We both know you are the sharpest. But I definitely think I saw "speed".
Oh no, you're the sharpest.
Please, I've got that astigmatism thing going.
How about you, said my brain to the tongue, interrupting the eyes. What do you think?
Dude, I don't know what I'M saying most of the time, droned the tongue. I taste and I talk, don't expect more than that.
All right, said my brain, hope starting to grow. Let's take a vote. All in favor of "speed"?
Aye! said Leftear.
Aye! said Rightear.
Me! said the eyes.
What-ever! said the tongue.
I cleared my parched throat, plastered a weak smile on my face, and said, "That's great."
"Are you OK?", she asked.
"Sure, I'm fine. I'm just glad it's good news."
Omigod! omigod! She's going to say "rates"! Ooo-migod! screamed my brain.
"...speed," she finished.
Omigod! They're doubling our rates!
Yo, brainiac! Listen up, said Leftear, she said "speed".
Are, are you sure? stammered my grey matter.
Of course I'm sure. Hey, Rightie! What did you hear?
I heard what you heard Lefty, said Rightear, eager to please. She said "speed".
Boy I hope so, said the brain, but I'm still not sure. Eyes, what did you see?
It's hard to be certain, started Righteye.
As we were starting to roll up into our sockets, continued Lefteye.
But it certainly looked like she said "speed", the eyes said together.
You're sure? my brain asked.
Oh, indubitably, said Righteye, although I'm not as clear as Lefteye.
Please, stop it, said Lefteye, blushing. We both know you are the sharpest. But I definitely think I saw "speed".
Oh no, you're the sharpest.
Please, I've got that astigmatism thing going.
How about you, said my brain to the tongue, interrupting the eyes. What do you think?
Dude, I don't know what I'M saying most of the time, droned the tongue. I taste and I talk, don't expect more than that.
All right, said my brain, hope starting to grow. Let's take a vote. All in favor of "speed"?
Aye! said Leftear.
Aye! said Rightear.
Me! said the eyes.
What-ever! said the tongue.
I cleared my parched throat, plastered a weak smile on my face, and said, "That's great."
"Are you OK?", she asked.
"Sure, I'm fine. I'm just glad it's good news."
March 02, 2005
Happy Birthday Ted Geisel??
Today's the day! The time has come!
It is the birthday of a special one.
"Who is this man?" the Lorax said.
It's Dr. Seuss, also known as Ted.
"Hooray! A birthday" said the Cat,
"Let's send him a gift; a scarf or a hat!"
"No, let's send him eggs, and lots of ham
There's nothin' else like them," said Sam I Am.
"But wait," I said, and quelled the whole throng
"I think he's dead. Yes, I'm sure Ted is gone"
"Then tell me why," the Grinch growled at me,
"There are birthday wishes today on TV!"
I scratched my puzzler until my puzzler was sore.
This was certainly strange, and I thought some more.
It was certainly true that Ted was gone,
So who celebrates birthdays when we move on?
We party for Elvis, and John Lennon, too.
But is it for them that we make such a coo?
Isn't it stupid for us to count all the years,
that they might have had if they were still here?
I think it's not right, so no birthday for Ted.
But Seuss lives on and his books are still read.
So to Ted "Farewell!" and thanks for the gift,
For reading Dr. Seuss gives us all a lift.
Congrats Dr. Seuss, who we love and adore.
Happy Birthday to you, and a 101 more!
It is the birthday of a special one.
"Who is this man?" the Lorax said.
It's Dr. Seuss, also known as Ted.
"Hooray! A birthday" said the Cat,
"Let's send him a gift; a scarf or a hat!"
"No, let's send him eggs, and lots of ham
There's nothin' else like them," said Sam I Am.
"But wait," I said, and quelled the whole throng
"I think he's dead. Yes, I'm sure Ted is gone"
"Then tell me why," the Grinch growled at me,
"There are birthday wishes today on TV!"
I scratched my puzzler until my puzzler was sore.
This was certainly strange, and I thought some more.
It was certainly true that Ted was gone,
So who celebrates birthdays when we move on?
We party for Elvis, and John Lennon, too.
But is it for them that we make such a coo?
Isn't it stupid for us to count all the years,
that they might have had if they were still here?
I think it's not right, so no birthday for Ted.
But Seuss lives on and his books are still read.
So to Ted "Farewell!" and thanks for the gift,
For reading Dr. Seuss gives us all a lift.
Congrats Dr. Seuss, who we love and adore.
Happy Birthday to you, and a 101 more!
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