"Read"

A friend recently told me about a soap he had seen in his hotel room. It wasn't marked "Soap", "French-Milled", or even "Oatmeal". No, this beauty bar proudly bore the label "Cleanse".

This labeling serves a two-fold purpose. For those who can't figure out what to do with the bar of soap, a quick look at the wrapper gives them the hint they need. It also serves as a reminder for the absent-minded. As they are using the bathroom for other purposes, the cheery instruction will remind them that days or weeks have passed since they last participated in this activity and it is time to do it again.

Other complimentary products had similar labels. The tiny bottle of shampoo happily said "Wash" on its side. The hygiene-impaired traveler is lucky that the kind hotel staff has thought to differentiate between these two cleaning products. No one should cleanse their hair when washing is what is called for.

But this got me wondering if we are seeing the start of a trend. Will the box for my next TV be labeled "Watch"? Should I watch the box or the TV? The TV sounds like more fun, but the box actually tells me to gaze upon it.

Will my next my car have a sticker saying "Drive" on the steering wheel in case I forget why I got in it in the first place? Will having "Cut" engraved on the side of scissors keep me from running with them? Do we really need "Spend" printed on our money? I do just fine without the reminder.

Some other "helpful" labels that I do not want to see put into use are:

• "Wipe" printed on toilet paper.
• "Blow" on a Kleenex
• "Shove it" on a suppository (we all know it happens, but who wants to read it?)
• "Dig" on a shovel. What else could it possibly be used for?
  

There are so many signs around that tell me to slow down, move left, be quiet, move right, and look out that I don't need simple household products reminding me what they do.

Besides, by the time I am old enough to need "Brush" on the label of my toothpaste, I probably won't have any teeth left anyway.