A Mexican Nacho

When I found this sign in front of the local ice cream shop I was troubled on several levels. First, I was really looking forward to some Chinese nachos, or maybe some hearty German nachos. Sadly, all this place offers is Mexican nachos. It is a good thing they put it on the sign, though, or I could have been bitterly disappointed.

Second, I was surprised to see that they are selling the nachos individually. Normally one pays for a plate of nachos, not just one chip at a time. I can't imagine that this trend will benefit the consumer. The per-nacho cost, when extended out to a plateful of chips, is sure to be more than the plate-o-nachos cost. I wonder if the government will include that in future inflation calculations.

All things considered I'm glad I stuck with my usual, a vanilla ice cream cone.

Good News and ...

Someone in our office thought they would be nice and give us a couple of two-liters bottles of Diet Pepsi. As you can see in the picture, anyone was welcome to partake in this bounty of beverage. The small smiley face adds just the right amount of whimsy to make this appealing to any Diet Pepsi drinker.

But wait, what is that in the lower left hand corner of the note? A smudge? Spilled Diet Pepsi? No! This PostIt note actually has fine print. While it was too small for my cell phone camera to catch, it says "The pop might be flat." A small frowny face drives home the point that this might not be a good thing. Bummer!

So I have to applaud my co-worker who decided to put out foodstuff of questionable quality for us to consume. After all, we can't be too smart given where we work. I just hope we don't start seeing pizza boxes sitting out with notes that say "Anyone is welcome to eat this pizza. The pizza might be green."

A Well-Traveled Geek

It occurred to me recently just what a well-traveled guy I am. I have visited Buckingham Palace, seen the underside of the Eiffel tower, driven the Autobahn in Germany, walked in the villages around Normandy, motorcycled through the swamps of Louisiana, caught a train in Egypt, thoroughly explored the city of Bayview, and visited the many peoples on the island of Vvardenfell. Despite this impressive pedigree my passport remains uncluttered by visas and customs stamps. You might wonder how this could be, and my answer is simple: I am a well-traveled geek.

This really hit me last weekend as my wife and I were watching Rush Hour 3. At one point in the movie Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker parachute off of the Eiffel Tower and land in a nearby fountain. As the camera followed the duo into the water I fondly remembered driving my Audi TT through that very same fountain. But then something ugly intruded into my thoughts: reality.

I have never been France. Indeed, I have never left North America. I have the requisite trips to Canada and Mexico, but I have never boarded a plane or boat bound for England, Australia, or Japan. The longest I have flown has been from Michigan to California, and I have never been on a flight that showed a movie.

So then what of my memories of France, Egypt, Peru, and Scotland? Am I suffering from delusions or madness? No, I play video games. I drove throughout the city of Paris in Midtown Madness 3, and inflicted vehicular mayhem on London in Midtown Madness 2. I have visited Egypt and Peru with Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. I have sampled the Hong Kong night life with Indiana Jones. I have sped over the hills of San Francisco, and climbed to the rooftops of Tokyo.

In some cases my memories of the geography of these places is quite detailed. I learned more about getting around Washington DC from playing Midtown Madness 3 than I did from my visit there a few years ago. It just doesn't seem fair that all this experience shouldn't count just because it happened in a virtual medium. I am a world traveler, but I do most of my travel from in front of my Xbox.

So even though my physical passport is quite empty, my virtual passport is almost full. I can flip through the pages and remember all the places I visited and the adventures I had there. My luggage has never been lost, and the local water has never made me sick. And as I reach the last page I see I have another spot left open for a new destination. A new adventure that only a well-traveled geek can appreciate.

Russia, anyone?

Rambling Rant: The Causes of War

When I was out driving not too long ago I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read "What Has Your Life Done To Prevent The Causes of War?" As I followed this person for a mile or so my eyes were riveted to that sticker and my mind filled with responses. Even though the question is vague and non-specific, I thought I understood the agenda and attitude that was behind it.

But first, a minor grammar rant: Certainly not one of the main points I want to make, but I have to point something out. "My Life" does nothing. I can't sit in my recliner and send "My Life" out to get some milk, write a novel, or find a cure for hangnails. The things that I do every day make up my life. So don't ask me what "My Life" has done; you might as well ask what "My Resume" has done. We now return to your regular rant already in progress...

This question was blaming me because war exists in this world. Our country is currently at war, at least in part, because I have not done anything to stop it. The whole point of the sticker was to fill me with guilt so that I would do something keep war from happening. I'm sure if I would have asked the driver of this car what I could do, I would have been told who I should vote for in the Presidential election. If we only get so-and-so in office, all war will cease. Yeah, right.

As it turns out, I don't respond very well to blatant attempts to make me feel guilty. I tend to get angry and sarcastic. OK, I'm sarcastic all the time but it's worse when I'm angry. So rather than running cars with stickers like this off the road, I will share what I have done to prevent the causes of war:

1. I have not invaded another country nor taken its lands for my own. (I did try to give Ohio away once, but that doesn't count.)
2. I have not ordered or participated in the mass genocide of other peoples.
3. I do not have, nor am I making, Weapons of Mass Destruction. (My wife might disagree with this one right after I've eaten baked beans or Mexican food.)
4. I have never ousted an unfavorable regime so another who is more sympathetic to my goals could take power.
5. I have never launched a preemptive strike. (Not even against Ohio State the week before the Michigan game.)

I consider those things to be the five most common reasons that wars start, so I score pretty well there. Maybe I should be in charge of the UN. But to turn the question around a bit, I also do not do the following:

1. I do not forget that war is a messy business that costs lives on both sides.
2. I do not forget that once started a war must be seen to it's conclusion, otherwise it is like the surgeon leaving the table in the middle of an operation.
   
3. I do not forget that young men and women have died in the service of America, and that they should be honored for that sacrifice.
4. I do not forget that young men and women are living in harm's way right now in order to protect our country and others, and that they should be honored for their service.
   
5. I do not believe one-sided media coverage that has more to do with furthering a political agenda than keeping me informed of what is happening in war-time.
   
6. I do not demand that a war should be over just because I want it to be.

So don't try to fill me full of guilt because war exists in our world. I haven't started any. War is a bad thing, and I would like to see it go away as much as anyone. But one thing I know for sure is that world peace will never be brought about because of a bumper sticker.

End of Rant.